Most of the 7 inductees talked about what competitive tennis, and specifically college tennis, meant to them. How valuable it was. How it took, in the collegiate game especially, a very individual sport and made it into a spirited team environment. How it taught life skills.

I couldn’t agree more.

Now that I’ve gone through various iterations of my own career after my collegiate and professional tennis career ended, it is so clearly obvious the stamp that the sport of tennis has left on me. I don’t get time to reflect on it too often, but I should more than I do. I left the induction ceremonies feeling really blessed.

I jotted down some notes the morning after I returned from Champaign while everything was still fresh in my mind. I’m the CEO of a marketing boutique in Chicago now, and yet almost everything I handle (and not just “handle”, but use to thrive and to solve problems) daily strategically and tactically come from my roots in tennis. I wanted to share a few of these items with you:

* The Calm Within the Storm – I call it this because in the space of a 2 or 3 hour tennis match, there are many “storms”. To get through them, you have to be mentally strong. You have to understand that one tennis match, much less a season or career, consists of ups and downs. You’re never as high as the high’s you experience, and you’re never really as low as the low’s you experience. It is always somewhere in between. Tennis taught me to have that perspective. Collegiate tennis taught me that in particular because of all the high’s and low’s going on around you during a given competition or match. Being able to calm and relax your mind in the face of adversity, often multiple times within the course of one single match, is a skill that is developed. And it is a skill that has ramifications in the rest of life. Tennis magnifies that skill, and whether you have it or don’t, at an early age.

* Emotion vs. Non-Emotion – Like in business, there are times to be emotional and times not to be emotional in tennis. Sometimes, you need to use emotion as a tool for motivation and energy. Other times, you need to take 100% of the emotion out of a situation and evaluate it purely for what it is. Knowing the difference between the two is key in life, in business, in a career and sometimes even in relationships. Emotions are good. Letting them get the best of you and having those emotions become irrational is not. Tennis taught me that.

* Control – There are things you can control and things you can’t. Nothing earth-shattering there. In tennis, I could not in any way control the fact that I was 5’10″ tall. I could not control the type of day my opponent was having. I could not control the weather. I could control how I responded to situations, my own strategy, my own game plan and tactics, and my own conditioning. I could control my preparation each day. I could control my moods. Knowing what you can and can’t control is key; but focusing on those things you can control and letting go emotionally of those things you can’t is even more important. To parallel this with business: you can’t control the type of day your coworkers or clients are having. You can’t control certain market conditions. You can’t control entire industries (unless you’re Google). You can control how people perceive you. You can control how hard you work. You can control your own company, department or what you do each day. You can control how you choose to interact with people.

* Decision Making – Breaking this down into very little snippets, in the course of one tennis match, in one set, in one game, in one point, and before one point even happens, decisions are made. Dozens of them, in fact. Competitors are forced to make any number of decisions in a split second. Before a point happens, you have to decide “do I serve to his forehand?”, “do I rush the net?”, or “what happens if my opponent guesses my serve right and I have to react.” The list goes on and on, and I would conservatively say in the course of one tennis match, there are thousands of decisions made. I think these split-second decisions engrained over the course of 15 years provided me a foundation for decision-making today in business. Which isn’t to say I made rash decisions in tennis or do so today in business; but I did make well thought-out, calculated ones, combining reactive and proactive. And sometimes, you need to make the tough decisions and make them quickly. Just like in business. Just like in life.

* Team leading and relationships – This is where collegiate tennis is unique from tennis in general, and other sports: a combination of individual responsibility with team responsibility and team leadership. It is truly unique. Knowing that you control your environment in one single tennis match, but blending it with teammates and your responsibility to them as friends and people. This is a lot like business. We have responsibility to ourselves to achieve and work hard. We have responsibility to family members, friends and coworkers to do the same and blend our skills seamlessly with others for the greater good. Knowing where you fit within a team doesn’t mean being complacent about where you fit. And, in fact, boosting your own standing (skills, talents, education, work ethic) creates a greater team.

* Sportsmanship – This is a big one for me, because I learned early on thanks to my parents that sportsmanship was important. The first time I threw a tennis racquet out of anger at age 8 or 9, I was told I wasn’t allowed to play anymore. I used to have an (outwardly) hot temper as a child on the tennis court. I learned to temper (no pun intended) that and hold myself to a high standard, but respect my opponent in the process. I do not believe I would have learned those skills playing another sport. I suppose the best way I can put is: I always want to win. And if I choke or make a mistake, I have learned how to own it and fix it next time. And if someone has a better day than me and wins, good on them. Shake hands, and move on. But always treat others with respect and the utmost class. Again, thanks to my parents, friends, mentors and coaches for drumming that into my head from a young age. It is an invaluable way to look at the world later in life and it is invaluable in business where relationships play a greater importance.

I am pretty sure that some of these are not unique to tennis or collegiate tennis. Yet, tennis itself is a unique sport requiring decision-making by the second, and usually individual problem-solving by the second. Similar to golf, I suppose, and likewise college tennis teaches you how to do these things in the confines of a team. It almost *trains* you to require faster and better thinking when things aren’t comfortable. And most of the time, things – or situations – aren’t comfortable and don’t fit neatly into a box. How you train your mind and body to deal with adversity or when things aren’t comfortable is what makes the difference so often.

I’m so thankful to have had these experiences at a young age, and to be able to share them with others especially in a business setting now running my own company. It is so valuable and I understand why my coach and the other inductees this past Wednesday have been so devoted to the game for decades. The skills you learn really are life-forming and life-changing. Being able to impart those skills on others is likewise life-changing.

As a former CMO, I’ve always kept an eye on this number. As recently as 2006, the average tenure was 23 months. In 2012, that number doubled to 45 months. Why the dramatic increase?

Well, there are a number of factors in my opinion. One, I believe that CMO’s are forming stronger partnerships in the C-suite, specifically with CFO’s and CIO’s. Two, I believe that technology advances specifically in the last 5 years in social media and mobile – two platforms that are unconventional to most outside of marketing – has created a higher demand for CMO’s that understand these emerging platforms. Three, most CMO’s I know WANT to stick around and not jump to another job so fast. The economy likely has something to do with that from a macroeconomic perspective, but I would also surmise that the role itself has matured and become a lot more dynamic than it was years ago.

Will this trend continue? I would say it depends on the industry. I think for CMO’s in mature industries, or bricks and mortar businesses that have yet to leave a real digital footprint, CMO’s will be in demand and the tenure will likely continue to increase for another year or two. For CMO’s in very dynamic, fast-changing industries, average tenure could plateau this year.

Either way, this study is good news for people in the marketing profession as a whole in addition to CMO’s themselves. It confirms the demand for great leaders, great teams, great thinkers and great operators. Not long ago, most people used the CMO role as part of a punchline. Now, the role has clearly gained the respect and status that is on par with other executive functions.

Well, his actual answer would be very different than what I will say here on this very web page. Just a guess. Because I’m not Tim Tebow, and no one outside of Tim Tebow will be able to tell him that he can’t play anymore. So I firmly believe he will be training twice as hard, if that’s possible, and will keep working and will be on a pro team in the US or Canada this season. There is no way he’s done, there is no “quit” in him. Even if he doesn’t get signed, he will show up on a practice squad somewhere. You have to respect that. Arguably the greatest college football player ever is not going to go gently into that good night.

That’s what will happen.

Here’s what should happen:

His time to strike is now from a marketing standpoint. The Tim Tebow brand is still actually strong. 3rd string quarterbacks don’t often get their own press conferences. Even New York Jets fans kind of feel sorry for him and say things like “we wish him well, but are glad he’s not our QB.” I think he should capitalize on his fame and popularity now in a lot of ways. The farther and farther away he gets from actually playing somewhere, his brand will be diminished ever so slightly. Like a slow drip until he gets older. He will never have ZERO brand; but it will simply diminish into one of “he was a great college football player and won a few games at the pro level, and I remember he was a religious guy.”

Yet, we know how passionate people are when it comes to him. Heck, he had a whole country “Tebow-ing” for a while there. I would tell him to go out and do speaking. Go to schools and talk to kids. Get involved with his favorite charities, and help raise money. Be a guest on talk shows. Make the rounds as a talking head on the NFL Network. He needs to share his story and connect with people, because those are his biggest assets. Everyone respects the man; they just don’t think he can play in the NFL. And at some point, it doesn’t matter what HE thinks of himself; if he doesn’t get hired, then that’s that. Still, unlike other famous players from other sports, it is almost impossible to dislike the guy. Say what you want about his skills at the pro level, say what you want about his religious message, but I don’t think anyone dislikes the person or thinks he’s a bad person.

He needs to leverage this now. His biggest assets are: his story, his success, his work ethic, his will and determination, his faith (in an ecumenical way), his looks, his fan base.

His biggest asset is not his left throwing arm.

So if you’re Tim Tebow, what do you do? At some point, don’t you have to look at what you have and put all your efforts towards that, versus what you don’t have? It doesn’t mean he has to get out of football. I could see him being a wonderful coach someday.

It does mean that he has a story and a viewpoint that no one else does, and he needs to leverage that somewhat quickly in the absence of a resurgent football career. And it does mean that perhaps he will have to make some of the toughest decisions he’s ever faced.

“You were built to believe, designed to receive, and born to go where no one ever has.”

That just about sums it up, doesn’t it? I love the “built to believe” concept. We all need to have belief in something, whether it is your job, your religion, your relationships or all of them. Having belief creates energy, motivation and passion. In and of itself, belief is a call to action. I love it. I wish I was the one who came up with this sentence!

First, let’s pause so I can share a video from Billy Madison which accurately depicts how I felt after reading Mr. Martin’s comments:

Click Here for Billy Madison 30-second Clip!

Well, as a New Jersey native, George took it upon himself to post the following about the NY Jets trade with the Tampa Bay Bucs, sending Darrelle Revis, their star cornerback, to the Sunshine State:

It is hard to be a fan of the New York Jets.

Excuse me, while I go weep into my beer.

Hey George….stick to writing. Please. You clearly do not know about sports, business, or the New York Jets.

The facts are: 1) the Jets have done tons right in the last 40 years. I suppose we all forget back-to-back AFC Championships; 2) Never a good idea to trade your best player? What about when the best player whines and asks for more money than the market holds?; 3) The Jets desperately need a shut-down cornerback…and they have one. Cromartie. The Defense wasn’t the problem last year. In fact, Revis didn’t play in 13 of the 16 games; 4) The Jets did not get “rooked”. In fact, they were going to have to renegotiate Revis’ contract after this season. What if he wasn’t the same? What if the injury negatively impacted him? There would be NO market for him. So the Jets actually did the smart thing (yes, I said “smart” and “Jets” in the same sentence) and traded him to the ONLY suitors out there. It wasn’t like 10 teams were lined up giving the Jets 5 draft picks for the guy. This was the market. The Jets reacted and took what the market gave them.

George…seriously, you’re in over your head here. Stick to fiction.

Technically, I suppose, I “speak” a lot – whether it is presenting to clients as CEO of Sprouse Marketing Group, or doing conference calls, or presenting my company in the daily course of business. But when I speak to outside groups, I always love walking away feeling like I learned as much as others did in hearing me speak. Case in point, last week. I have had several people I have considered “mentors” in my life, and I was able to share my experiences from being a professional athlete to founding an e-commerce business to selling dolls to being a senior marketing executive at Playboy to being a CMO to being an author to becoming an entrepreneur. But for me – learning about great organizations trying to take that important mentorship concept to the next level in Chicago was terrific to see and experience. Also, when I was done speaking, we went into the “Q&A” period and there were actually questions! Good ones, too! That always leaves an impression on me.

I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed sharing my years of knowledge with these people. I enjoyed talking about my book. I enjoyed speaking my mind in a somewhat unscripted fashion.

And let’s face it: that’s when the really good stuff comes out. Most people get nothing from boring presentations. You can either hold a room by yourself, or you can’t. I no longer speak to outside groups with any type of presentations or Power Point decks or anything of that nature. I find it takes away from what I have to say and my experiences, and I really have nothing to prove at this point by showing I can put an awesome deck together (and most often, those awesome decks are created by other people any way!) It lets me talk off the cuff more. And believe me, I run a service-oriented organization that is very client-focused each and every day and very not “off the cuff” where clients have no idea about my life’s experience or credentials, and so when I speak to outside groups I let it fly!

Thanks to MAFA and DraftFCB for hosting me. I enjoyed it. I hope to see you all again.

Up next: I get to speak to the top business students at my Alma Mater, the University of Notre Dame, in March. I can’t tell you how excited I am about that one, to share my knowledge and experience on my old campus that means so much to me.

Obviously, the people around me have to share those virtues. If they don’t, then it’s not a good fit. If they do, then it is a great fit. And when that happens, it is to be celebrated! Your colleagues absolutely have to know every day how much you care about them as people and what you’re willing to do for them. They’re your biggest asset, and the ones who share your common values and bestow that on other employees, clients, colleagues and more.

Another way to think about it is: no matter what your company’s values are, your people are the ones to carry those values out. This is why when I hear, and more importantly see, companies and businesses treating their people well, and seeing their people enjoying their lives because of it, I just know they’re going to succeed. I was lucky enough to visit one such place this week, in fact. An amazing workplace and workforce that has been recognized as such, but more important than awards is actually what you feel and experience being a part of it. It is no wonder this business is doing very well. The difference between a creative, energetic, and dynamic workplace culture versus one that’s not is seriously night and day.

I hear and read (and personally know) lots of leaders who talk about the importance of their people. More and more of them are throwing these ideas around than a few years ago. Some leaders who have never respected their colleagues in their life are suddenly saying “oh yeah, you gotta treat your people well.” In fact, I recently read one piece from an executive I know talking about the importance of people and having your leaders be accountable for creating culture and acting swiftly to do so. Since I know this person, I know this is total bull shit. It’s the old cliche of “talking the talk, versus walking the walk”, and I guess the takeaway is that a focus on people and culture actually does work and is a priority for companies or else people wouldn’t be jumping on the bandwagon. The thing is…you can’t fake it.

I know this for certain: when you create the right culture with the right people, you know it, you see it and you can feel it. And that’s the important one: you can feel it. Others can too. How does this tie to results?

I’m no scientist, but I can tell you based on personal experience that it has always – in every single competitive situation I’ve been in from sports to corporate executive to running my agency – been the people, culture and environment that created exponential growth and success. Not the other way around.

I’ve gotten emails from friends (yes, friends, but friends who happen to enjoy giving me a lot of shit) this week about the Manti Te’o story which I know everyone has heard about by now. One friend – “Jon R. from Maine” – sent me a seemingly serious email (until I opened the email, that is) saying that it had been a while since we connected, that he had met a girl he was quite serious about, met online, that she was smart and pretty, that he was head over heels in love, was hoping to meet her in person some day and….well, you can guess where the email went after that. Ha, ha. It was doubly funny for me because I met my wife online, and Jon R. knew that. But my wife does exist. Really. Honest.

In a week where Lance Armstrong sat with Oprah and confessed what a liar he is/was, we had a major publicity scandal break at my beloved alma mater related to one of the most celebrated athletes – until now – to perhaps put on a uniform at Notre Dame.

The faint-of-heart sports fan need not apply for this week.

My wife asked me, after the Te’o story broke, what I thought. I couldn’t answer. I just couldn’t. I didn’t know how to express my feelings because my feelings weren’t feelings, they were questions. Was he complicit? Was he a victim? Was he living a lie? Were WE – as fans – living a lie? All I could think about was when I was a student there and if the situation was the same whether I would have been one of the ones in the crowd chanting “Man-ti…Man-ti” and wearing a Hawaiian lei.

I still can’t answer those questions, and I don’t think I will ever be able to. Who knows, right?

Here’s what I do know:

The problem is us. You, me, and every other person not on a TV screen every week. The problem stems from the way some of us seemingly idolize regular people who happen to possess an extraordinary talent. Let me explain.

I would be willing to bet that at some point in your life, you were told that you were “great” at something. Even though “great” is a relative term, that greatness could have been in high school football, it could have been coaching, it could have been teaching, it could have been running a business, or maybe politics. Whatever the “it” was, when you’re deemed by people to be really good or extraordinary, you attract attention. You are the center of the universe. Now, that universe could be the entire world impacting millions (hello Lance, look over here) or it could be within the confines of a group of 10 people. It doesn’t matter. Greatness tugs at the ego. Which is not, by the way, a bad thing at all. Heck, I know there have been times in my life where I wanted to be “the man” and enjoyed the successes I worked hard to get. Adoration is what we like to strive for, but it can become an addiction too. Probably 7 of the top 10 moments in my life came in competition that yielded an “atta boy” from other people.

The question is what you do with success once you have it. And too often, especially on a grand scale, those who have success don’t use it very wisely. But is the problem them…or us?

Charles Barkley, the legendary basketball player once said, “I am not a role model.” I remember the day that interview came out, and people were genuinely pissed off! They were mad that Charles said that. He told people that their parents and people they came into contact with personally every day were responsible for being role models. The outrage at the time, I remember! An NBA player who asked us rhetorically “I’m a great basketball player, why are you demanding me to be more than that?”

It was probably the smartest thing Chuckwagon has ever uttered. Guess why? He sure set the right expectations. And when he had a huge gambling addiction after that, it didn’t become a national scandal. People weren’t disappointed or didn’t feel “duped”; they felt for him because he was a real person with real issues, and he became a lovable figure.

What he did without even knowing it? He helped US by saying “don’t look at me as an idol, you’ll be disappointed. I’m insanely good at basketball. But don’t make me something I’m not.”

The common thread in every major sports scandal that I can remember is idolatry. The adoration of dozens, hundreds, thousands and millions. The bigger the idol, the bigger the fall from grace. It’s a slippery slope though, right? We all want to be good at what we do. We want people to like us. We want people to say “wow, you’re really good at this”. But then what?

I will throw some names out at you, and I want you to think of the very first word that comes to mind:

Barry Bonds

Marion Jones

Tiger Woods

Kobe Bryant

Roger Clemens

Lance Armstrong

Joe Paterno

Bobby Petrino

John Edwards

Anthony Weiner

Elliot Spitzer

This list includes some of the best and most celebrated athletes, coaches and politicians in the last 5-10 years. They were major over-achievers. They broke records. They did a lot of GOOD. Yet, I’d be willing to bet your first thoughts about each of them were negative. Words like “cheater” probably came to mind.

Is that fair? I don’t know. They weren’t all actually confirmed as cheaters, but the court of public opinion says it is so. The common theme is that they were all beloved and all idolized.

They welcomed the adoration, sure.

But we gave it to them.

At some point, you have to think that the ego is so deep and so intense that keeping that “high” would be front and center for anyone idolized to that extent. The question is…

Why do WE – people like you and me – keep idolizing these people for things they’re not? Because they do one or a few things better than 99.9% of the world, and we’re fascinated by that? Because the media is so intense that they make us idolize these people by a constant barrage of coverage? Because we’re so unsatisfied with ourselves that we want to put others on a pedestal hoping for some kind of mind-meld? Again, I don’t know. I don’t know why. I just know that we do this a lot. We’re all searching for the “next big thing” in sports so that we can hold them in higher regard than we do ourselves. Because we do it all the time. Most of us look at others to fill some kind of void, but why?

With the social media era, or the “transparency” era I suppose, are real honest-to-goodness heroes in sports or business or celebrity or politics extinct? Are these the same hero’s that existed in the 80′s, 90′s and 00′s only with much more scrutiny and access to the public than ever before?

Is it all Twitter’s fault?

I tried to think of someone in sports who is transcendent and hasn’t had any major public relations issue come to pass (yet). As you know, tennis is close to my heart and I immediately thought about Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. Well, Nadal already has had to answer rumors about supposed performance-enhancing drug issues, so who knows there. Roger? Nothing (yet). But it’s sad that I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Nothing is sacred. Roger, I hope you’re clean. If not, then I’m waiving the white flag and completely give up. How about golf? Well, Tiger you’re familiar with I’m sure. What about Mickelson? Well, he’s always had to answer questions of infidelity stemming from rumors and for being a pompous jerk. On the surface, he’s a great guy who stays much longer than other pros to sign autographs for fans. Who knows?!? I mean, really, who the hell knows. I look at Phil as a great golfer, but not a role model. I don’t know the guy!

I feel like we’re all taking crazy pills and that these scandals are all our fault because we 1) like to believe the best in people – which is good, and we should – and 2) like to believe that people who excel in something – one thing – somehow have the magical key to life which transcends EVERY area of life. It does not mean we can’t hold others up to a high standard. It does mean that with every fan or Twitter follower or article or TV interview, those standards become lower and lower for the athlete/politician/subject involved. They have to work less hard to earn our trust, respect and admiration. And that’s disastrous. If you’re constantly told by millions that you’re awesome, don’t you have to work less hard to be awesome? I’m sure that creeps into play.

I will ask this question again as a parting thought…is the problem the athletes who continually cheat or fail to live up to our lofty standards?

Or is the problem us, who continually idolize these people too much and fan the flames of celebrity to a degree that ultimately is a recipe for letdown?

I don’t know the scientific answer. But you can guess which way I’m leaning. They’re people, people. People with a great God-given talent. And that’s it. And that’s all it should be.

(Enter Charles Barkley saying “I told you so.”)

In other words, I do think it will be somewhat “predictable” this year in Marketing. The key, as always, will be in the details.

Here’s the link. I will post my expanded thoughts on this next weekend.

http://www.dmnews.com/outlook-2013-marketing-predictions-from-winterberry-groups-bruce-biegel/article/275992/

Mr. Armstrong, it is good to have you here. Just so honored to welcome you onto the set. I really hope we’re able to get your story told, and for you to really tell the American public why you did what you did. Can I call you “Lance”?

Lance:

Oprah, you’re Oprah. I think you can do anything you want, and you have more credibility than me right now. I’d rather have a failing TV network than lose 7 Tour de France titles. For no reason. I’m innocent, you know. But no, you can’t call me Lance. I mean…I’m Lance Armstrong! So…no. Mr. Armstrong is fine.

Oprah:

Ummm…you’re innocent? Innocent of what? From using Performance-Enhancing Drugs (PED’s)? I didn’t even ask you about that yet and you still went there. MR. ARMSTRONG.

Lance:

Yeah, but I’m Lance Armstrong and I knew you were going to ask that question first. Because I can outsmart everyone, even you Oprah Winfrey. I just knew. Kind of like when I know people are going to rat me out or not help me make more money by lying. I just had a feeling you were going to go there. But I beat you. I guess you could call it a 7th sense.

Oprah:

A 7th sense? I thought there were only 5, Mr. Armstrong?

Lance:

Having 5 senses is such a sucker bet. If you’re really amazing, you have 6 senses. If you’re other-worldly, and just so much smarter than everybody, you have 7. I have 7.

Oprah:

Well, I’m not sure about that. Let’s move on. I thought you were coming to my show and sitting down on my couch, the very same couch Tom Cruise went mental on, to confess. Isn’t that true?

Lance:

Wait…Tom Cruise? Why are you mentioning Tom Cruise. I thought this was about me. Lance. MY lies. Wait, no, I mean…MY LIFE. Not lies. Life. Anyway, no, no way. I let all the press leak stuff about me confessing and apologizing and all that stuff. I’m really just here to say how innocent I am. I spoke to my friends Barry and Roger, and gave them your phone number too. We feel like you are the only one in the media to really tell our story accurately: how WE say it is. And then get everyone to love us afterward.

Oprah:

Barry and Roger?

Lance:

Yeah. You know. BONDS and CLEMENS? Geez, Oprah. Get up to speed with PED Culture. WAIT…I mean POP Culture. POP Culture.

Oprah:

Let’s change the subject back to you.

Lance:

Oh good. I like that. My favorite topic.

Oprah:

What do you have to say to your fans? The people who supported you and your foundation and believed in your story, and believed in your unbelievable strength and human spirit. You know, the people who helped you sell all those yellow wristband thingy’s for so many years. What does LiveStrong now mean to those people?

Lance:

LiveStrong means what it says. If you have the chance to really “live strong”, you should. Ya know, not just through weights or training or honesty. Just, ya know, live real strong with lots of muscles and endurance and six pack stomachs and stuff. Or…something like that. As for my fans, you’re talking about all the people who have been saying for years that I’m a cheater?

Oprah:

Well…you….have…..been….proven to be a….

Lance:

Don’t say that. Marion told me you’d say that. Let’s move on. No comment.

Oprah:

Marion??

Lance:

Yes, Marion Jones. Another friend of mine. A real fast runner. She confessed to juicing. I thought she was crazy. Now, she won’t leave me alone. Talking about having a “conscience” and all that stuff I’ve never heard of. Standing up in front of people and confessing? No way. Except when you get to go on your show and have people all of a sudden feel sorry for you. Sign me up for that. I’m really so glad to be here, did I tell you that?

Oprah:

Wow. Oh, Ok. Gotcha. So there have been reports of you throwing basically every teammate of yours over the years under the bus and bullying them. Things like making them take a vow of silence about your drug use. Is there any truth to that and if so why threaten them?

Lance:

Oprah, it goes like this. Actually, can I call Roger? He’ll back me up on this. He had that guy, that other trainer – who was it, McNamee? What a weasel. Anyway, those guys totally broke the “bro code”. You know…the BRO CODE! Like, I could never have a Michelob Ultra with guys like that. I never bullied my teammates or friends. I just thought that they’d do everything they could to protect me. Because I’m Lance. You know. Lance! I’m the guy! The guy in movies. The Michelob Ultra commercials! Running in California with my boy Matt M, that really pretty actor with the six pack, with our shirts off. Damn the needles, the guy who used his terminal illness to win the hearts of America!

Oprah:

Uhhh…no, Lance. We’re taping for national TV right now. You can’t call Roger.

Lance:

Shoot. Ok. Listen, am I sorry if people “misunderstood” what I was doing? Maybe. I mean…maybe. Shame on them for not following the sport of cycling until a scandal breaks though. I mean, this sport is tough enough without a little help. You know what I’m saying, Oprah? Am I sorry if I hurt millions of fans? Well, no, that’s their problem. Because I never lied. I told the truth every year for 7 years and never did anything illegal. Lying isn’t a crime, is it? No. No. Of course not.

Oprah:

Mr. Armstrong, I think you have a reality check coming up. But….aren’t you here to confess that you did do quite a few things that were illegal and to comment on the fact that your Tour de France titles have been stripped and that the evidence is overwhelming that the American public thinks you’re a total fraud?

Lance:

Fraud? Oh come on, Oprah. Your TV network is shitting the bed right now, wouldn’t you do anything to make it a success? You’re interviewing ME, after all. The one admission I will make is that I was pretty low and down in the dumps back in the day. Before I was famous, a lot of people were by my side. As I got stronger, I figured, tell a few lies, then keep lying, tell some more lies, cash some checks, put my trophies in a trophy case, cash more checks, tell more lies, look people in the eye and blatantly lie, bully and threaten teammates, cash more checks, and then come on your show…I mean, it’s the American Dream right? It’s all good. I’m not a fraud. People love me! I’m Lance! I’m the man! I’m on your show, which is like a rite of passage for celebrity.

Oprah:

Mr. Armstrong, do you have any intention of crying on this show?

Lance:

Oprah, I shouldn’t say this, but there’s this awesome stuff out there – totally on the market, above board, semi-legal in at least 7 states – where you literally take it and it restricts your ability to cry for, like, at least 5 years. NOT that I would EVER do anything illegal OR lie about it OR get pissed at people for having to lie about it….but let’s just say I don’t see any tears in my immediate future.

Oprah:

Oh, boy. You’re a tougher interview than Cruise. Lance, where do you turn from here? The people close to you, and who must still believe in you, must just be absolutely heartbroken. The trials and tribulations of what you’ve put them through, the shame. It just must seem like there are days when you are probably sorry for leading the public down a path of lies for over a decade.

Lance:

Where do I turn from here? More movies and more interviews. I love PR. Bad PR is better than no PR. I love talking about myself and how I’m invincible. I beat cancer, Oprah! And then I beat the rest of the cycling world in those races. Pansies. Then, I beat the rest of the world who thought I was guilty of doping! Who’s better than me. Really.

But I do have one question, Oprah…who are these people you speak of who are “close to me and still believe in me” again?